Days have passed..

Diary – 29/11/2013

Days have passed, & I just wanna say “Thank You, Lord”. I’m sorry for being a terrible person days ago.. I was drowned in negative thoughts & perspective, I couldn’t see any good in my life that moment, all I can think of was my own anger about my disappointments. Oh God.. how I really wish I can make my dream come true… despite all the facts that I made him irritated & hurt, but I really….. so much…. I may looked like I don’t love him, based on the true definition of love itself, but I really really…..
Oh God… Give me strength……
Today, my neighbor, my best friend, the one who’s been take a really good care of me since I’m moving out from home, the one who became my sister in my heart, will took off to Holland to visit her fiancee’s family for the next 3 months. I felt another “lost”. It feels like people are leaving me one by one, & I always the one who got left behind…
That’s selfish. I shouldn’t feel that way. I should open my eyes. They didn’t leave me. My ex-boyfriend leave me as a boyfriend, but he’s still there as my friend, & I…. I won’t give up, I’ll prove it to you that I can be better, & please God help me….
And she didn’t leave me, it’s just a “see you later”. She may be gone for 3 months, and after that she’ll soon get married and she’ll move to Holland. Okay, maybe sad for me, but she is so happy. I feel so overwhelmed by the magic of their love.. they didn’t take too long, and everything seems to be in God’s blessings. Almost every plan they have, gone smoothly. Finally she found someone who can really make her happy, after all these years she’s been waiting for the wrong guy who only giving empty promises and never even show up. I’m so happy for her… you deserve it, sis… go get your love, cherish it, coz I’m sure this is what God has planned for you.
I’ll be moving back home next week, so I only have a little more time to pack everything here. Sometimes I still cry alone, in silent, but not anymore out of my control. Everytime I got down on tears again, everytime I miss my ex-boyfriend, how I still remember every beautiful moments we had together, even now, I’m trying to hold it as hard as I could, God help me….. Help me stay strong… I wanna show him that I can be better… and who knows, by God’s blessing, he would take me back….
Thank you for the strength I still have today.. Thank you for all the things you’ve given me… Thank you for giving me strength to feel joy again, to smile again, to help me block all those negative thoughts & sadness behind. I wanna be cheerful again, I wanna be myself again who unconsciously has made him fall in love with me, coz that’s what I need right now, to be the strong me again, to be the cheerful me again, to be me again without being depressed or confused & drown in bipolar, to be the fearless me again….
I’m sure, I’m on my way there…..


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