Today went by pretty quick

Diary – 18/11/2013

Today went by pretty quick. Compared to yesterday, today is a pretty ‘light’ day. Low pressure on thoughts, no stunned-scary feelings about my boyfriend might do anything ‘hurtful’ to me (which only happen in my imagination *sigh*). I’m pretty stable today. I got amazed how my little nephew can learn some Japanese vocabulary very fast, he can memorize 20 different words, such as eat, drink, sleep, airplane, train, etc. Arya is smart, I’m so proud of you! & tonight his father just came by to pick him up, so they can go home together. I suddenly feel a loss, a little sad feeling that Arya left. How he has always been cheerful around me & his grandma, how he never cry or complain about anything when we’re around, it was really nice seeing him in relax and no-pressure mode when he’s around me & his grandma. Not like when we see him when he’s around his sisters, he seemed more stressful, got too much pressure to handle, especially when he only got little attention from his parents. I don’t blame the parents, but sometimes, when I see them, I still think that they treated their children unevenly, & I often caught Arya cried alone in silent, but still tries to hide it from me, or from grandma & grandpa. Arya, you truly are a big brother. Although you’re still a little guy, but you know how to stay strong and often let your sisters ‘win’ on almost everything. That’s why you’ll always be my favorite little man I’ve ever known.

And somehow… something just knock me in the head now (don’t worry, it’s a metaphor). Seeing Arya that is always being cheerful around, never complains, & just enjoy the moment, making me favorites Arya. Now I realize how my boyfriend would feel about me. Seeing someone that was always in constant tears, fears, or complains, is not something that you would enjoy to be together with, not for a long time, or not even for a moment. I mean, who would stand that? Now I understand. Thank you, Arya.. Thank you, ya-kun.. Thank you, Mom..

Oh yeah, I have 1 hell of a mom. She takes a really good care of me & Arya. I was so helpless that I ended up like a helpless little child again, I’m so ashamed of myself. I really hope I can have an income again soon, and be working again, so I won’t be this helpless child again. Enough for her to raised me all my life, it’s time for me to take a good care of her. Thank you, Mom..

Thank you, Father… for allowing to be in this world through an awesome mother like her. Thank you.


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November 2013
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